Yesterday brought a past-life regression from out of the blue: a cordial email from the oldest brother of my first wife, the mother off my three children. He said he had fond memories of his and my relationship and was going to be in Florida in the next two months and hoped we could get together. I replied with similar sentiments, and said where I was living and I hoped we could get together.
The day before yesterday, something had come up in a conversation with a Key West friend about a religious cutl called The Way that had caused me to say my first wife’s oldest sister had ended up joining the Way, and after that she wasn’t the same person. She was a robot. But it was only on waking this morning that I saw that conversation as a lead into the email yesterday from my former brother-in-law, Jim.
Likewise, it was only this morning that I recognized yet another lead that came about yesterday, when I told a friend here that I was headed over to the library to see if I could find Tom McGuane’s Ninety-Two in the Shade, which this friend had several times recommended because I had told her that once I had wanted to be a flats guide in the Keys. I started the book last night, a really different writing style and off-beat wit. Then I got drowsy and fell asleep into tumultuous dreams that made no sense at all until I was preparing breakfast and remembered something about Jim that should have been impossible to not think of right away when I received his email yesterday, but I didn’t think of it until this morning.
His sister, my wife’s, name is Dianne. Severral weeks after our first child came, a son named after me, we made the rounds with him to friends and family, so they could meet the new addition to our family. One of the rounds took us to Memphis, where Dianne was from. She was the oldest child and all of the family but Jim were there. He was in Texas in basic training with the Air Force.
From Memphis we headed down to south Alabama, to see some law school friends who had graduated the year before. From there, we headed home, back to Tuscaloosa, where I was about to enter my last semester in law school. Throughout the trip Dianne had felt very protective of the baby, and still we had not decided what to call him, other than “the baby.” As we approached Tuscaloosa, we had an earnest, heart-felt talk about stopping the travel until he was older. I felt great relief.
Shortly after that, we arrived home. I started unpacking, while Dianne went inside with the baby. As I came in with suit cases, the phone rang. It was her brother Jim, calling from their parents’ home in Memphis. He told her he was home on leave, prelude to heading to Bangkok, where he would be a mechanic servicing B-52 bombers. Dianne told him she was coming to Memphis that day, to see him off. They said goodbye.
I said, “What about the deal we just made about not traveling with the baby?”
“The deal’s off!!!” she yelled. “I’m going to see my brother off to war!!!”
When I objected, she went ballistic. Now she was screaming at me, veins were bulging on her neck, her eyes seemed to be popping out of her head. All the while, she held the baby. Terror seized me, I shut up, told her I would take her to the airport. She packed quickly, and not long after that I saw her and the baby onto a Southern Airways puddle jumper headed out of Tuscaloosa through Tupelo, Mississippi to Memphis.
Two morning’s later, a law school buddy came by my later and told me the baby had died. Dianne had called him to get him to come tell me and be with me. He said she had said she was worried that I might do something if I was alone when I heard of it.
If you don’t think I never stopped thinking that it might not have happened if she had stayed home as we had agreed to do, you would be very mistaken.
If you don’t think that it eventually occurred to me that if I had been the baby and had been subjected to something as violent as what happened after my parents fought over me in that violent way, that I would have checked myself right out of there, thenn you would be very mistaken.
If you don’t think that it eventually occurred to me that maybe if I had just kept my big mouth shut and put them back in the car and driven all three of us to Memphis, then it would not have happened, then you would be sadly mistaken.
If you don’t think the soul of a child can choose to terminate its life on this world in what doctors then called crib death but today call sudden infant death syndrom, then you would be very mistaken.
If you don’t think my bother-in-law Jim’s soul was shattered to hell and back over the death of his nephew in his family’s home, just before he went off to war, then you would be sadly mistaken. Jim had serious troubles the rest of his life, while I knew him.
If you don’t think his younger sister, who ended up becoming a flower child for a while, in reaction to Vietnam, then became a member of The Way, in an effort to atone for her flower child days and to put some sense of order into her life, was not shattered by her nephew’s death in her home, then you would be sadly mistaken.
If you do not think their parents and their youngest sister were not shattered, you would be sadly mistaken. They all were shattered, as was Dianne – she probably the most.
If you do not think the sudden G.I. tract illness that onset overnight about 2 and 1/2 years after my son died had nothing to do with his dying of what doctors by then called sudden infant death syndrome, then you are sadly mistaken.
If you do not think Jim writing to me yesterday from out of the blue, like suddenly, had anything to do with all of this, then you are sadly mistaken.
I found myself talking to God yesterday about what I was really going to be asked to do about all of this? Was Jim going to be used to try to heal the estrangement between Dianne and our two daughters and me? Perhaps. But did he even know about that, or that I had not heard from my daughters for nine years and I still had not been told why? Was he up to something like that?
This morning I wondered if he was up to my telling him that I was told in various ways I could not ignore early this year that his sister, my wife, had killed our son, and that her terror that I was going to find out about that was a big reason for the estrangement. Her terror was justified, because she knew I had found out about a number of family skeletons through my dreams and corroborating dreams of my good friends.
As for my wanting to be a flats guide, I really wanted to do it, but the G.I. trouble was so dominant that I knew in my bones that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I was too uncomfortable physically to have the patience and good humor being a flats guide demands. I was too driven. I was too tormented. So I never became a flats guide, at least not in the sense of the dream I’d had about it. Maybe I became a flats guide in aother way, though.
For sure, I know that I need to complete the “karma” and “soul contracts” I have with Dianne and our daughters, and with her brothers and sisters, if I don’t want to take it with me when I leave this world. If I take it with me, then I have to deal with it sometime. If I finish it here, in this life, then I can do something else after I leave. If I finish everything here, in this life, then I can do something entirely different after I leave.
Here’s the next installment in HABITAT FOR HUMANITY: Snapshots of a pilgrim’s travels with God.
There came a time in Christendom when wise men (maybe so-called) of the Church gathered to discuss reincarnation, which was part of the belief system of many in Christendom in that day, and not part of the belief system of others. These wise men (maybe so-called) were concerned that people who believed in reincarnation would use that as an excuse not to put their nose to the grindstone Jesus had left behind, because they could do it in a later life. These wise men (maybe so-called) also were concerned that people who believed in reincarnation would use it as an excuse not to join the Church, which was promoting itself as the representative of Christ on earth, because they could do it in a later life. So, these wise men (maybe so-called) declared for the Church that reincarnation was heresy. This occurred at one of the Church’s Councils, perhaps it was Nicaea or one of the Constantinople Councils, a few hundred years after Jesus walked on earth. New Testament historians can tell you which Council, if you feel it’s important to have that information.
The dilemma Christendom faced back then, and still faces, is the Gospels themselves refute the position the Church took on reincarnation, at least twice. One refutation was when the disciples asked Jesus if Elijah had returned, and he told them yes but he was not recognized, and they knew he spoke to them of John the Baptist. The second time came when Jesus healed a blind man and afterward the disciples asked who had sinned, the man or his parents that he was born blind? How could the man have sinned before he was born, if not in a previous life? Jesus did not dispute the basis of their question, but said the man was born blind for this moment that he would be made to see and thus manifest the glory of God. Perhaps a third time came when Jesus said before David and Abraham, he was. But who he was, well, I guess that’s for Bible historians to squabble over, if they wish.
With past lives comes the discussion of karma, I suppose. The Old Testament says Elijah killed people God didn’t approve being killed, so his life as John the Baptist and getting beheaded at the behest of a spoiled ruler’s daughter could be viewed as settlement of that karma. Maybe I shouldn’t even mention that Elijah being lifted off this world in a chariot of fire, by-passing physical death, sure looks to me in that passage like a description of a modern space ship blasting off from earth. So maybe he didn’t die, but hovered in the space ship a few centuries before returning to earth (via his mother) as John the Baptist? Gets confusing, doesn’t it?
Imagine what it was like for my third wife, or maybe what it was like for her soul would be a better perspective, to know she had been Mary Magdalene and she was married to a man who had been Judas. You think that might have set up some unexplainable dynamics in our relationship?
Imagine what it was like in the soul for my next wife (#4) to know she had been Sister Claire, Francis of Assisi’s soul sister in Christ, to be married to a man she knew had been Judas.
Imagine what it was like in the soul for my next wife (#5), a devout fundamental Christian, in whose soul resided all of the female archetypes, to know she was married to a man who had been Judas.
Imagine what it was like for my last (#7 wife) to be an emanation out of the same spirit that took soul form as Jesus (she never admitted to this), to be married to a man she knew had been Judas.
Imagine what it was like for my sixth wife to be an emanation out of the same spirit that took soul form as “Eve,” to be married to a man she knew had been Judas.
Yogis, Hindus, Buddhists, Taoists, etc., wouldn’t have too much trouble with these questions theoretically, even though they might doubt the factual accuracy of the past lives. They know past lives play through into this life. As do many new age people.
I know of other lives I have lived, but I see no point in naming those incarnations and stirring up even more disbelief, confusion, irritation, criticism, astonishment, or whatever. I simply mention the past lives above to demonstrate a dynamic Christendom, Judaism, Islam (maybe excluding some Sufis) and Latter Day Saints (Mormons) don’t even recognize.
Here’s what I learned about beliefs: That’s what they are, beliefs. They may or may not have anything to do with reality. For example, Christendom believes Jesus died on the cross. This is not so. He was alive when he was taken down from the cross, then had a near-death experience in the tomb.
Here are examples of what karma can produce.
Wife number 3, who had been Magdalene, after we split up turned her back entirely on her Melchizedek lineage and became Tibetan Buddhist.
Wife number 4, who had been Claire, after she and I split up, turned her back on anything mystical and became a capitalist.
Wife number 5, who had all the female archetypes but remained determined to be a fundamental Christian, was told by God, she said, after God had told her, she said, that she “was not the one,” that Adam had to anchor into God for both Adam and Eve, and let God discipline Eve.” This was a message for me, from God, she said she had been told by God.
Early in our relationship, when it became apparent to her that we might be going somewhere together, she told me that God had told her that a man was being brought to her would put God first and her second. I told her I was that man. She didn’t seem too sure about that, because I wasn’t a Christian.
When I asked if it worked both ways, would she put God first and me second?, she said she’d never thought about it that way before.
My question probably was misguided, for what happened was she spent a lot of time and energy trying to bend me to her view of what a man who walked with God should do and be like, and God spent a great deal of time and energy making sure that I did not give into her, which I often wanted to do. I kept telling her that God would bust us up, if she kept at it. She didn’t believe me, and when it happened she was devastated and not just a little afraid.
Wife #6, the reincarnation of Eve, not too deep into our relationship was told by Melchizedek, as I recall her saying was the voice, that all women on this world are in a rabid war with God and that war is the cause of all wars on this world, including all man-made wars. I told her the subtext for that, which the angels did not correct, was the female is so put down on this world that any woman is reluctant in her soul to be here, thus the rabid war with God.
Wife #6 was told shortly after that, she said, that although some people might not like hearing it (me perhaps?), but men were God’s chosen vessels for truth on this world, and through truth, men come to love. Whereas, women are God’s chosen vessels for love on this world, and through love women come to truth.
Then, she was told to write all of that up and send it to all of her women friends, which she did and all but one of them told her adios.
As stated earlier, wife #7 was an incarnation out of the same spirit that had incarnated as Jesus. I was overwhelmed by my feelings for her, even as she went back and forth over her feelings for me.
Two months before we first met, I dreamt of her, of trying to bond with her even though she was “indifferent.” Yet, I was the only man she ever loved, and the only man who ever loved her. I couldn’t help myself and I doubt she could help herself either. In her soul, it seemed what she really wanted was to be a nun, perhaps because she was raised believing Jesus was celibate.
Many people today go to psychics, past-life regression practitioners, hypnotists, gurus and so forth to try to learn about their past lives. I don’t advise this. If you need to know about a past life, that life will be revealed to you in a way or in ways that you can use it profitably, if you are on your toes. Otherwise, don’t worry about past lives and just try your best to deal with what life puts on your plate ongoing. For there is the grist for the mill of spiritual development, growth, expansion. There is no way to develop fully in a monastery or ashram, or by being celibate. Yes, great development can occur in those disciplines, but not full development. And what is not developed is left for a later life to attempt to complete.
Contrary to the precepts of western religions, when we leave this body in which we live, we take everything with us but the body and our physical possession. We are still us, but in spirit. Sooner or later we get a review of our previous life from our perspective and from the perspective of others. A review we feel as well as see and hear. Then we continue our journey in spirit, or back on this world, or some place else, dependent on what we now need to move forward.
This is why it indeed is important to do our very best to deal with what life serves us in a holy way, instead of an ego way. For the holy way is alchemical, it causes soul change, while the ego way is static, it prevents soul change. Most people, I used to be one, predominantly, if not altogether, use the ego approach to dealing with what life serves up. The only way I know to break this habit is to be broken of it by a guru, or by the Spirit. You know how I feel about the two choices: for me, the Spirit is infinite, the guru is finite. Which do you want leading you?
For you who might be wondering, I was shown nothing (so far) about any prior history with my first wife and our daughters, or with my second wife. I was shown that my first wife’s and my son who died actually was my angel twin, when “he” infused and merged into me in April 2004. More about “him” I don’t think I’ve been shown, or if I was shown it, I didn’t recognize or understand it (yet).
Postcript: It occurred to me from time to time that my having once been Judas, who betrayed Jesus (according to the Gospels), perhaps resulted in the death of my own only begotten son in this life.