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I noticed about 9 p.m. last night that my cell phone had lost its service, which I took as a signal that my spirit service also was cut off. I wondered what that would lead to?
What it led to was a jostling to jolting series of dreams from different directions, which left me pretty well mixed up, for the most part, when I finally woke up for the last time around 6 a.m. today. I tried calling myself on my cellphone, and it was working again.
I went to my email accounts and there was nothing there since I turned in last night. I figured from the cell phone going out last night and no dreams seemingly related to anything I have been writing about, or which I was sitting on and had not covered yet, that today’s writing would not be about any of that.
I opened the Key West Citizen online, and there was a peculiar article entitleld “News”, which seemed to be a regurgitation of “Citizen’s Voice” comments. I looked at “Citizen’s Voice” and found entirely different comments.
The lead-off comment in the “News” article caught my eye, this being Sunday, which most of Christendom honors as its Sabbath. Not a day of rest for me, nor Saturday either. Nor any day.
“”The Constitution protects us from the government establishing a nation-wide religion. America has always welcomed public prayer. Perhaps if we had more people seeking divine inspiration before speaking we would have less conflict.”
I dare say, if we had more people seeking divine inspiration before speaking, we might have more people not speaking at all, which would produce less conflict. It’s one thing to ask for divine inspiration, but it’s another thing to actually have something come back, or have something come back in a way that can be recognized and understood.
We also might have more people not speaking at all, and less conflict, because they heard back what they did not want to hear. It’s one thing to ask for divine inspiration, it’s another thing to like what comes back.
I dreamt last night of being with John Claypool, who was the rector at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in Birmingham, Alabama, when I was in what I later came to call the killer dark night of the soul. In the dream, he and I walked to the edge of a high cliff, and a mile down below was a landlocked sea, or perhaps a big lake. He said he was going to jump into it, and he did. He hit the water and I saw him swimming off to the right (right is masculine in my dream code, left is female). I was terrified of jumping and turned back and got involved in various dream dramas which I could not make any sense of during the times I woke up briefly.
In one dream drama, I was in Nepal, and a young girl asked a man I was talking with about what John had done came up to use and asked us for a dollar. The man gave her a dollar, I did not.
The last dream drama, a medium I had once used for some time when I lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico came to me and told me my sister was not as on top of things as she, or I, had believed, and I needed to get away from her.
That’s when I finally woke up for good near 6 a.m.
I was not a happy camper. I was confused. I got up, cut some raw beet off a beet and ate it. It helps my digestion and my liver. I opened my laptop and went through the online routine described above. The asking for divine inspiration comment in the Citizen was all that caught my attention. Some dream dots started connecting.
When I was trekking in Nepal in October 1995, one day I was walking alone and I wandered off the path and got lost. I then heard very clearly, “You were Judas.” I heard it not in my ears, but in my mind. I had felt for maybe three years that I had been Judas. My wife during that time felt I had been Judas. A close man friend of mine, from Birmingham, Alabama, thought I had been Judas.
Shortly after hearing that in Nepal, I bumped into a Nepali who directed me back on the path to the next hamlet I was trying to reach and spend the night. Soon after getting the man’s directions, I came upon a dwelling where two small Nepali children were playing outside, a girl and a boy. The boy saw shiny steel safety pins attached to the strap on my backpack, guestured for one. I pulled two off, gave one to him and one to his sister. They seemed thrilled, as if I had given them something more important than money.
Two years later, I was in the killer dark night. I’d had only one dream. Shortly after the horror took me over, my wife who had believed I was Judas, who had told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore, which is what had led to my going to Nepal, came to me and told me I was on a dangerous assignment and she was protecting my back. That was code in our relationship, for she was the lioness protecting my back.
The next thing I heard during that horror was about a year later. A voice I had come to know said, “The reason you are having this experience is because you were Judas.” Because of that dream, I called and made an appointment with John Claypool, who was a highly respected theologian. Already, I was attending St. Luke’s, which had been my mother’s church, and where my sister attended. I was not only attending Sunday services, I was going there ever afternoon and sitting in the nave until I passed out and the workers who took care of it worke me up and told me it was closing time.
I told John Claypool about what I had heard about being Judas. John reacted, said, “That could not possibly have come from God!” I don’t suppose I was surprised by his reaction. I asked how he could possibly know that for sure? John paused, said he could not know for sure. Instead of pointing out to him places in the Gospels where Jesus and the disciples discussed reincarnation, I said, “Let’s not argue about that; tell me about Judas.”
John brightened, said he felt Judas’ only real mistake was killing himself. Every disciple betrayed Jesus. If Judas had not killed himself, God would have done great things with him. I said, maybe we never would have heard of Paul, if Judas had lived? John paused, said maybe so.
I said I was in a terrible dark night and suicide was ever in my mind. Perhaps that was why was told that about Judas in my sleep, so I would call and make an appointment to hear John’s take on Judas. I said I took that as a message for me to hold on. John said he hoped I would hold on. About two months later, the killer dark night began to lift.
When I was with that wife who was the lioness protecting my back, I was given lots of insights into the Gospels and Jesus and Mary Magdalene, which were not exactly lined up with contemporary Christian perspective. After I came out of the killer dark night, I was given more insights into the Gospels and Jesus and Mary Magdalene, which were not exactly lined up with contemporary Christian perspective. None of that did I share with John Claypool, but I shared it with a few other people, who felt it was true, what I had been shown.
Basically, Jesus, Magdalene and Judas were a team. They were equals. They each had their own roll to play. They knew this, the people around them did not know it. Judas and Jesus often met privatley to discuss the next parts of the play in which they and Magdalene had the starring roles.
Sometimes Judas argued with Jesus about the miracles. Judas was opposd to the miracles. He felt they distracted people away from the teachings. Judas was against the crucifixion. He felt it would create even more distraction away from the teachings. He very reluctantly agreed to play the role of the betrayer, therefore. He agreed because it was clear he was the only one who would do it.
At what today is called The Last Supper in the Gospels, Jesus told the other disciples who was going to betray him would sop the bread in the gravy after him. As pre-arranged, Judas sopped his bread after Jesus sopped his bread. Judas then betrayed Jesus. He hated doing it. He later killed himself for giving in to what his dear friend had persuaded him to do.
Enter my sister, who continued my mother’s devotion to St. Luke’s and the contemorary view of Jesus and Judas. Enter my sister, whom I molested when she was 5 and I was 15. Since 2010, I have felt much of the internal malaise I have suffered since it suddendly onset around her birthday in 1969, was karma for what I did to her. I have felt that karma wrecked my life, and is the cause of my ongoing inability to make a living wage through my own efforts.
I was told by the meduim last night to stop paying attention to my sister, to get away from her. John Claypool jumped into the landlocked sea, or big lake, a mile below. The man with whom I was talking about John gave the Nepali girl a dollar.
I imagine that man was Jesus. I imagine that, because just three days before I was told in Nepal that I had been Judas, a huge blacksmith had come to me over the Hymalaya rim at Anapurna Base camp, where I had waited three days for the fog to lift, so I could see the sun strike that spectacular rim at sunrise.
I felt a message was coming, I went down to one knee, bowed my head, heard, “The Son and I are One. The Son and I are One.” I stood, went back to my room, packed up and headed down the trail.
I had first seen the blacksmight the year before, in a vision, which then burst into a poem. I was on his big black anvil, he was pounding me with his great black hammer, making me into something he could use. I traveled all the way to Nepal a year later to learn he was the Christ.
For me, the circle of those dreams this morning now is complete. In publishing this today, I jumped off the high cliff into the landlocked sea, or big lake, a mile below. God only knows what this forbodes, for I surely do not. I hope it heralds a lightening of my load, a freeing up. Time will tell.
As for my being insane, which view is held by more than a few people, after that experience in Nepal, and the ensuing killer dark night and what I was told during it, I was with three succesive women who believed what I wrote above. One attended St. Luke’s. The next one had never been involved in religion. The next one had started out in a Christian church, but later stopped attending church. All three of them heard from what they felt was God. All three of them were told stuff about me, which convinced them I was not insane, or the devil.
There also was a close friend, who was Jewish, but had gotten deeply involved in the New Age and yoga and Taoism, who was brought into the same traning I was in. He, too, believed what I told him I had experienced in Nepal and during the killer dark night. He, too, was told stuff, which convinced him neither he nor I were insane in the human sense. The angels convinced him, I already knew it, that we were insane in the spiritual sense, which the angels riding us hard were trying to fix.
Like me, he experienced being turned every which a way but loose by the angels. In their own way, the three women experienced being turned every which a way but loose. The second of the three women often called me Judas when we were alone.
Of the three women, she got the worst of the woman training by some measure. When we were unable to take anymore of it together was when I was sent from Maui, with no money, to Key West in early 2000. The Jewish man described above was the primary vehicle the angels used to transport me to Key West, to be homeless there.
I understand he is dead. I don’t know how to get in contact with the second and the third women. The first woman, who attended, and still attends St. Luke’s, as far as I know, does not care to have anything to do with me. Nor does the woman who told me during the early part of the killer dark night that she was protecting my back. She we was convinced when we were together, that she once was Mary Magdalene. I also was convinced.
She started out this life in a Christian family, but was not a practicing Christian when we met. After she and I parted, she became a Buddhist. Many of her friends were Buddhist. I sometimes told her, and her friends, it was said that Buddha said a teacher greater than he would come along, and I told them that teacher was Jesus. I also sometimes told her and her Buddhist friends that Buddha, when asked by someone about God, Budddha was said to have said that was too big a subject to discuss. Jesus discussed it in the Gospels.