Good morning Sloan,
I decided to write you this morning about my shamanic journey, which I made for you, for it is still fresh and ready to be processed by you…I have done my part, and I feel whole with the understandings, and with the Message…
In my shamanic practice and in my emotional movement, I generally work with the Divine Feminine since it is my point of origin, and because it is what is needed today… Her Way, Her Will, Her Essence has to be reintegrated in our world, never to be ousted or disappear again.
The beginning of the ceremony was more challenging than usual, and believe you me I have encountered some difficulties. One of the big issues, which is also a blessing I have been praying, is that the rain season finally kicked in and the soil and environment are humid—I live in a tropical desert. The bugs attacking me, the bats flying right above my head, my body sweating uncomfortably were all discomforts I had to face as I drank the sacred medicine and attempted to make a fire. Feeling nauseous almost immediately, a feeling that pursued me for quite some time that night and again my body is very used to the brew, I noticed that the white light from the neighbor’s on the other side of my property had expanded and there seemed to be a meeting of people far away from me, and yet too close to comfort. I did my best to remain focused, which is not easy for me, on the purpose of the journey: to meet and talk with your spirit handlers, Jesus, Melchizedek and Michael.
For the record: I had read your last email just before logging off in which you repeated for the 4th or 5thtime that you had been asked by your spirit handlers for me to journey to them and converse with them about you. I heard you the first time Sloan, and I let you know that during the ceremony when I talked to your spirit as well. Notwithstanding, I also read that you wanted me to have an open mind, start the journey with a clean slate, and not assume that I would move around your sexual patterns because it had come up during the day in my conscious energy flow. I went about making the fire, which took me forever, and after a few failed attempts while I was releasing my judgments about you and your spirit handlers…. I was finally able to lay down in my hammock, outside of course, and let ayahuasca make its way through my body.
Rigidity is the first thing that came up about you…in fact, I was told that if you were not a transparent/honest man by nature, your rigidity would lead you to enclose yourself in static religious dogma. In the for instance category: you did not take anything, meaning any feedback or reflection, that came up in me about you, until I could talk to your spirit handlers, and your spirit handlers are Jesus, Melchizedek and Michael. Your energy is frozen there, and it needs to move… the only certainty we have is that everything moves, not to mention the Feminine is about movement, flexibility and adaptability. Men have built churches and nominated other men to represent God on earth, and only through them in their churches, could we communicate with God… that is not Loving Light’s Way….that is not truth… That is being rigid, trying to control the outcome and projecting our minds and unbalanced ego into the unknown. The indigenous have known since time immemorial that one can build his/her church where one is…right space + right energy + right intent is the combination. Jesus and the original Christians also had the same belief about sacred space not needing to be confined within the walls of a cathedral forever and always. You cannot restrain God’s Consciousness… and as you may know, women in the time of Jesus, the Galilean, could be priests within the church as well…but that is another story!
Attach yourself to the essence, the message, not the form/vessel:
What’s more you are TOO attached to the message coming from Jesus, Melchizedek and/or Michael.I was told that the vessel did NOT matter, what matters is the message. If the message is loving, thereby coming from a loving spirit, it could be Jesus, Melchizedek, Michael or the Mother, it would not matter… Be aware of your ego’s tricks in trying to aggrandize an image of you and your spirit handlers.What is important is the message, period.Again, what happened in the 80s when your spirit handlers introduced themselves to you for the first time is just that, an event that happened in the 80s. We are in 2013 today, and as much as our concept of time is artificial, and the truth is timelessness, and eternal present… life has nevertheless moved “since then”,you have changed “since then”, and in order to evolve, you need to open up to the new.After all, the source of matter, the very origin of our pillars/belief system is pure energy AKA in my world as the texture of the universe. Let us go back to the source then in order to understand what is happening today.
The gist of the message is that you need to FORGIVE YOURSELF, and this needs to felt and processed emotionally in your Heart…and for some time.You are important in the healing of the planet, in that you have your place, but you cannot continue to help without HEALING THYSELF.
It is even more important and timely today to heal ourselves as “what is NOT love” has spread dangerously into everything we hold dear, including and especially our hearts, consciousness, bodies and DNA.Only through self-healing, can be begin to FEEL the Truth, and See through the form manipulation, deceit, disinformation and deceit.
seeing is believing: how the Master of Form/the Puppet Masters and consort fuck with us:
A big theme of the night was around evil/unlovingness/zionism and manipulating humanity to bring into oblivion, and extermination… so that we become clones of ourselves, only there to serve as food and slaves for “what is NOT love”.
I feel like explaining to you, again, and at this time, that no journey is LINEAR, but rather circular.One starts with their intent and focus, in this case connecting to your spirit handlers Jesus, Melchizedek and Michael, and then the stream of consciousness goes where it needs to go…and it comes back “officially” to you, but since everything is interconnected, it makes its way through the web of the moment.
Sloan, self-healing means accepting that we don’t know the script ahead of time, it is written as we move along, but we chose/know our destination…. That is the nature of the Life Force, the nature of the Mother, the nature of the Real Goddess.
What is evil does not have the form of an hideous beast, but the form of your brother, your mother… “they” walk among us in human form, but they are not human. We all have part of that “unlovingness” inside of us, and it is also embodied in many people out there in the world.After all and as you know, we all come from the same source, but then we made different choices. The Mother, for instance, chose self-denial as she unwillingly and by extension created denial of the other. The Father manifest this denial, and Spirit gave it a name… it was the only way to understand what is Love, and create real Heart.
I have not talked to my brother since 1999, for he walked all over me out of greed and selfishness too many times. My brother would sell his own mother, who spoiled him while pushing me down and under with my father’s perpetrating physically and otherwise against me as a child, for money. The few who know us and have met us, would tell you that I manifested the good in my parents, while my brother has manifested their denials. Yet, if you were to meet him, you would see the same face, the same big eyes, the same voice as I have… if he were to have a long-haired wig, you would see me!
For the moment, one of our big challenges, esp. people like you and me, targeted as we are, is to be able to DISCERN Truth and Real Essence and Intent under the mask.
The one spiritual circle I let in my life for some time used to call the devil, the Master of Form.
Last night, an hour or before logging off, I was feeling concern about Syria’s plight and I ended up “drawing” an article to myself about Angelina Jolie. She has come up from time to time lately since she embodies what I am healing about myself: the scripted and heartless side of me, only interested in hearing myself talk while others sit and admire me… I have involvement there, and a lot of misplaced pride. Fortunately I do have more to say politically and otherwise than she does, and more to the point I have a heart, but still if you were to watch certain moments when I was interviewed or hosted a show on TV, you would see/feel the bullshit/unbalanced ego moments.Me, Me, Me… look at me, how great I sound, how holy I sound, how good I look… Look, look… she reflects a big part of my denials.
Anyway, I was reading this article on the following site: http://empirestrikesblack.com/2012/02/angelina-jolie-conscripted-to-sell-genocidal-humanitarian-intervention-war-doctrine/
And a couple of hours later, as I was journeying and feeling the Divine Insights, Angelina Jolie’s deceitful manipulation came up… she looks and “acts” as if she is a humanitarian envoy, but she is opening the way for more bloodshed. One does not need to know what the United Nations or the Council on Foreign Relations is all about to feel through her presentation.
Stanislavski’s Method, how to act, came up strongly… this is the other side’s answer to their outlawing and denying our birthright to Free Will.
Presentation is a big block in self-healing…we all have one… and it too needs to be unturned… no stone shall be left unturned.
I’m starting to run out of steam Sloan….
JESUS WAS NOT A Jew
Benjamin H. Freedman, Jewish Historian – Researcher – Scholar. From “Common Sense”, p. 2-1-53 and 5-1-59
Many denominational Christians and even church leaders are under the mistaken belief that Jesus was a Jew. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Judea and Galilee were two separate states and political entities, as illustrated on the map of Palestine in the time of our Saviour in your Bible. Jesus Himself was not a Jew (Judean) or resident of Judea, He was a Galilean or resident of Galilee (Matthew 26:69; John 7:41), and a Judahite or descendent of the Tribe of Judah. The Judeans of prominence were not of the Tribe of Judah, but of Edomites. Pilate was being ironic when he wrote the sign “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Judeans” for the Cross (John 19:19). That is, “the Galilean who was King of the Judeans,” as in “Queen Victoria of England, Empress of India.” Jesus grew up in Nazareth in Galilee. His disciples were fishermen from the Sea of Galilee. And although He visited Jerusalem, he spent most of His life in his home country of Galilee. John 7:1, “After this Jesus stayed in Galilee; for He could not walk in Judea, because the Jews sought to kill him.” His followers were constrained “for fear of the Jews” (John 7:13, 19:38, 20:19).
How the journey looked like to me:
I will unfortunately not have enough energy to describe the visuals in the sky and in nature last night…. I’m too tired… suffice to say that your spirit handlers spoke to me in One Voice, the Voice of Love.
My body cleansing, including vomiting, was intense…I felt nauseous throughout the night…not just because of my vibrating in “higher realms” but because of where you are at today… I was journeying for you.
I finished my ceremony at 4:30am, and finally fell asleep a little after 5pm to wake up at 9am energized as I usually am after an ayahuasca journey. I am still however feeling nauseous, only slightly this time, my head feels heavy and I am still releasing in the bathroom… that is very rare for me esp. after the ceremony. I don’t share this with you in order to guilt-trip, but simply to reflect to you the density I had to process in order to do this journey. This is what I do best, feel and move… this is in part what I am called to do by what I have free of my will, and by the Divine Will.
I hope this makes sense… I do not have the energy to reread myself
I have real affection for you Sloan…
PS: When I read/hear you and your friends in the Keys, I am reminded that there is more going on there than I experienced and judged. It is still surreal to me how much I hated being in the Keys, beyond the problems I encountered, including the Key West bed bugs whose bites took my body 4 months to cleanse naturally… they just kept on reappearing on my skin, over and over again…reminiscent of my allergy to Key West and the Keys in general.
I thought I told her in my previous email the journey is a mystery. Maybe I need to write more clearly. She told me in late 2011 that she came to Key West to find a bartending job so she could make some money. I told her that a shaman should not be dispensing soul-and-body-killing drugs, and the reason she came to the Keys twice that fall and early winter was because that’s where I was. When I told her in 2011 that I had been told in a dream that I had married Kali, Donia got really upset; said that wasn’t possible, Kali was her goddess. Most of our interaction back then was rooted in her disagreement with just about everything I told her about myself and my seriously peculiar spirit transit on this world. That seemed to me to be why my angel handlers told me to invite her to journey to them, they wished to speak with her. It doesn’t seem in what she sent that she spent much time speaking with them.
I replied to her report:
Hi, Donia – thanks for making the journey and for your report. If you had made the first journey by starting with my spirit controllers, as I was told to tell you, I would not have kept saying to do that when you made the second journey. They are the gatekeepers, you had to go through them.
If you had asked them, they would have told you that they trained me to be dead honest about myself and in my dealings with other people, which you learned is the case when you and Joe visited with me the two times around Christmas 2011. All who know me know I am honest to a fault, by some people’s perspective.
I am always in a shamanic journey, it never stops. But I do not go away, it comes to me. It is brought to me, I have no conscious part in designing the mysterious itinerary, although I suppose my spirit does know outside of my intellectual awareness.
There is no drug assist, it just happens. It keeps me in a constant state of physical dis-ease, which increases as something new comes in, and decreases as it is processed inside of me, as I write or speak into it, as guided by my spirit handlers who frequently have to correct me, as I am not always able to stay on the best course through my own volition and wits.
Sometimes, something really super nasty comes into me, which leaves me near death for a while. I was like that for a month after President Obama accepted the Nobel Peace Prize. My bowel hardly moved all during that time. It finally cleared when some really rough poetry about him and what he had done burst out of me, which I recited off the top of my head at two Key West Poetry Guild functions, to the clear discomfort of the other poets, and published on my websites.
I have not been given Syria, and I’m glad I have not been given it, for I would hate to have that EVIL processed through me. I would love to see Angelina Jolie take up an assault rifle and hasten herself to the front lines there, and fight with the Resistance against the Dictator Regime. Fat chance that will happen.
Friday about mid-day, I felt a very bad poison coming into me, and Saturday (yesterday) I felt like I was going to die. I awoke that morning nauseous, which is not something I usually feel during a journey. It kept coming on, and finally I stopped writing and went into the bathroom and did two really big dry heaves over the toilet. I had never done that before. I had not had breakfast, so only a little came up. The acute nausea subsided, but for the rest of Saturday I felt my stomach, liver, gall bladder and intestines were nearly destroyed. It is some better today. But not a lot better, yet.
I had thought the cause was what I had posted yesterday about American Christendom being the cause of the downfall of America, and that was at least part of it. Another part of it was revealed in your email last night, saying you were going to journey for me in a few hours. Much of the resistance nausea you experienced to making your journey was inside of you and had nothing to do with me, other than I was the catalyst who was journeying for you without my even knowing it until I read your report of your journey. We journeyed for each other, no surprise to me, as that has been the give-and-take pattern whenever I was involved in healing work with another spiritual healer.
How can I forgive myself for sexually molesting my younger sister and ruining her life? It was an act of pure EVIL. To pretend I can forgive myself would be egotistical and would compound the EVIL. To pretend I can lift my own karma for doing such EVIL would be insane. What I can do, and have done, is be open about what I did and not lay it off on anyone or anything else. I wish it had not happened, I wish I could undo it, but it happened and I cannot undo it. I have tried many times to persuade my sister to seek help, and as far as I know she has not done that. I did plenty of other bad things in my life, but what I did to her dwarfed all the other.
In March 1988, I learned about the Right Use of Will books, which you asked me about when you and Joe were at my place in December 2011. The same week, I had a volatile vision, in which an old Chinese man came to me and identified himself as Chang, and said he was my teacher. That was during a craniosacral training session at the Upledger Institute in West Palm Beach. The other students were unable to deal with it, and John Upledger took over. Chang said I had been injured in my will. John asked Chang what they could do to help me? Chang said I had been given the teachings and knew what to do. John asked what they could do to help me? Chang said they could love me … and my life would be a very lonely one. I exploded, it took John and three other people to hold me on the massage table. I carried on maybe five minutes, writhing, screaming and bawling.
Later, to the side, I asked John if he thought the experience was real. He said, yes, but I didn’t have to go with it. I was dumbstruck, for he taught all of his students that they had to honor their clients’ inner teacher. I knew I was finished training under him. Later, I would have opportunities to try to help John with stuff he needed help with, but he was not open to it.
I indeed was injured in my will by my mother, and over that I had no control, until I refused to become an Acolyte. Later, I was injured in my will by my father, and I had no control over that at first. As I grew older, I could have stood up to him but did not, and that further injured my will. Same happened between me and his father. [Here, I should have written that the Evil I did to my sister and to others also injured my will.] What I came to see for me, the right use of will was to surrender my will to the will of God, as it was shown to me. I was not to get what I wanted. I was not to control other people. I was simply to engage what came my way in the way I was being taught to engage it, and as corrected when I got mixed up, egotistical, or worse, which still happens and the corrections are still needed.
You and I seem to be on very different transits, for I know in my bones and in my soul that I cannot do this on my own; I require constant input from something a lot smarter than I am, to get along. As I often write in posts, quoting Jesus in Gethsemane, Thy will, not mine, be done, O Lord.
As for Jesus not being a Jew, that’s a really narrow and shallow commentary that fellow came up with. The Israelites were scattered all around. They were not just in Judea. The Jews today do not claim to be descended from Judea, but from Abraham, from whom Muslims also claim to be descended.
Many times have my spirit handlers told me America needs to clear out of the Middle East altogether, and stop supporting Israel altogether, and let Israel and Islam work it out or fight it out. Many times my spirit handlers have told me America needs to bring all of its military personnel out of foreign countries, back to America. But that was not given to me to turn into a crusade. Nor was saving the planet from humans, nor saving humans from each other.
All given to me is for me to say what I hear and see and let that be enough for me. The outcome of whatever I get involved in is not on me, and is not relevant to my own spirit transit. Apparently, all that is relevant to my spirit transit is I engage what I am given to engage, in the way I was trained, aided by the ongoing corrections.
A Rumi poem comes to mind, about love. I have for some time felt it was said to Rumi by God.
What you call love
is but subtle degrees of domination.
Love is like the moon in the window,
It’s just there.
In my last dreams before dawn this morning, Monday, January 7, taking ayahuasca to journey was likened to taking steroids, and not using what my spirit handlers offer was likened to throwing away organic food and eating grocery store processed food. I awoke thinking maybe my spirit handlers wished to tell Donia that they could teach her how to journey without taking anything, although I imagine it would entail her getting on their leash. It has long been my understanding that the feminine way is surrender.
Saw this From the Right medical report on bigpinekey.com’s Coconut Telegraph yesterday. I highlighted the dead give away.
Part 2. Deer Friends, Thanks for the kind words. Here’s the facts. In late November a wisdom tooth became infected. I began a course of antibiotics that didn’t work. I started a second course and then had the tooth removed. Three days after the tooth removal I had complete knee replacement surgery. The replacement was a total success, very little pain, up and walking without a walker or cane in about three days. Then the crap hit the conveyor. I developed a “raging” internal infection (Dr’s words). To save you all the drama, I’ve still got it, and I think that I’ve run out the rope here in the Keys. It’s possible that as you read this I will be in the specialist’s office in Ft.Laud. I’ve missed posting, but I’ve simply not had the interest until today. Your kind words lit a fire, thanks. Respectfully submitted FTR
In the Old Testament, wisdom is assigned the feminine gender.
Beside the glaring fact that the orthopedic surgeon seriously screwed up by doing the knee surgery while the infection was raging … Deer Ed declined to publish my previous “diagonsis” of what caused FTR’s difficulty, too many right-hand turns. The infection sort of sounds like an internal Staph/MRSA infection, but perhaps it’s another kind of infection.
I know FTR somewhat, had dinner with him and his wife and Deer Ed at a Big Pine Key restaurant after FTR told Deer Ed he would like to meet me, if I was amenable. FTR seemed like an ordinary likeable guy to me, his wife seemed like an ordinary likeable woman. They did not seem like religious fanatics. I don’t spend time around religious fanatics, and they quickly find they don’t like spending time around me. Maybe if FTR stops writing his column for the Coconut Telegraph, his doctors can deal with the raging internal infection.
I used to know pretty well a fellow with joint residencies in internal medicine and psychiatry, who was in a hospital and called me in to help him deal with a raging infection in his kidneys, which his doctors could not stop. I drove 400 miles to be with him. After two visits in his hosptial room, we got down to the bottom of it, which he had not wanted to deal with, and his doctors’ medicine then kicked in and got rid of the infection. The same thing that caused his infection also had caused multiple sclerosis, which had crippled his left side. Acute injury to his feminine.
After the above was posted today, this came in from Donia.
I meant to thank you for such a lovely poem about love written by Rumi…
and, I thought you had understood when we met that the foundation of my movement and journeying is emotional healing… feeling my pain emotionally, and physically consciously and soberly….
and, I thought you knew that part of the shamanic healing traditions in the world, is the usage of certain plants, Pachamama consciousness if you will, to see and get visions of the work we need to do. One great Kichwa shaman once said to me that “Ayahuasca for shamans is like an X-ray for a doctor”
I assumed wrongly you had understood that indeed an instrument, not the basis of my healing path, of my self-healing, is ayahuasca, the vine of the soul as they call it… and that it is not what you call a “drug”
In my last dreams before dawn this morning, Monday, January 7, taking ayahuasca to journey was likened to taking steroids, and to throwing away organic food and eating grocery store processed food. I awoke thinking maybe my spirit handlers wished tell Donia that they could teach her how to journey without taking anything, although I imagine it would entail her getting on their leash. It has long been my understanding that the feminine way is surrender.
I pick up that you are threatened by ayahuasca, instead of reacting to my journey’s message about you, you keep on wanting to attack ayahuasca.. reread your response to me and your couple “soundbites” of “Sloan light” littered here and there on your blog
It has long been my understanding that the Feminine way is about receiving… and receiving your light Sloan is like little consciousness bonding moments scattered here and there, some laughter, a lot of honesty, but then you all too often need to “reduce”, “cut” edit” and “judge” my way in a tainted way… I don’t like it.. you turn me off early on, and I hope there will not be a third encounter or discussion/exchange between us… I hope 2 is the charm!
Your “explanation” as to why you can’t forgive urself for what you did to your little sister almost sounds like that is exactly what an egotistical/self-important decision looks like you! You are keeping the “evil sex act” frozen instead of letting it dissolve consciously.
In my not so humble opinion, you make too much of your “sacrifice” and “spirit handlers”, the latter I already told you about… I call you on self-aggrandizement, with a floating of meanness… heartburn I feel, gracas a Deus, only for now
and I don’t need to get on the leash of ANY spirit handler in order to feel some of the dreams and nightmares I have known… I only need me to heal, and first and foremost
You are the one who chooses to see my movement/journeying as a drug-assisted trip… you are the one who asked me to journey, I would not have applied for the the job, and just like you did when I shared some of my emotional healing victories Xmas 2011, you need to spit and judge on my insights, on my greatness. My light and my healing work is good for me, and others I love, and causes I feel…. you’re a closet misogynist and a scoffer with a decent heart. You think you figured out women because you can see aspects of our obscurity/darkness, but God forbid one woman really has something to teach you… besides calling herself on her shit…
That seemed to me to be why my angel handlers told me to invite her to journey to them, they wished to speak with her. It doesn’t seem in what she sent that she spent much time speaking with them.
and, the last point, I find your way too sneaky, too disingenuous for my taste… I let my defense down and I assumed that your ego could handle my journey report as it should be handled… a valuable report and focused inner talk with your spirit handlers and the life force…suffice to say I just “knew” you would not like it, but I refused to apologize for it. I did my best.
Sloan, part of me is sorry to say this, but just like it happened the first time we met, I prefer to cut you out of my life again… until next year, at best and soonest… you pollute more…much more than you teach me, and your transparency is not sufficient to draw me in further into your cave in the keys.
Donia approached me three times. I never approached her, nor tried to draw her into anything. I simply told her what my experience was. It was my spirit handlers who made the dreams comparing the vine she uses to make her journeys, to steroids and eating grocery store processed food. She has no clue how much emotion was moved in me since Jesus, Michael and Melchizedek took me under their wing. Oceans of tears, legions of convulsings, terrors, rages. Which they triggered in me, or let one of their spirit confederates trigger, or used a human being to trigger. And I hardly think it’s even close to being done with. I have seen those three and their spirit confederates do the same to other people, who were stunned by what came up out of them, which they did not even know was there. These people thought they had done emotional healing, but they learned they had not even gotten started. I don’t recommend to anyone what I am experiencing, and have seen a few other people experience, some more deeply than others. I simply tell about it. And, I often am used to trigger deep emotions in other people.