Plucked this beauty below from yesterday’s Coconut Telegraph page at bigpinekey.com, the boca grande of the lower Keys. The other day, two of my Latino wenches put that label on me, so it seemed right to spread it around where it fit.
[Sloan on Suicide] How do you know that it is not in your god’s plan for you to kill yourself? Besides, we all know you are too much of a pussy to really follow through with it. You’ve teased us with the possibility many times but never deliver. I’ll still be watching just in case. ~firstname.lastname@example.org
Blow me over. A name and an email address attached to a Sloan-slam. It’s been a while – kudos to you, Deer Ed, and kudos to Arthur, if he asked you to finger him, if that is his real name. His question is a fair one. A question I have asked myself plenty of times. He also makes a good point about me being too pussy to do myself in. He would be a pussy, too, if he had been clobbered by angels for fucking something up as many times as I have. But he seriously needs to get over it being my god. There is only one God, which goes by as more names, I suppose, than all the grains of sand on all the beaches on this planet. Part of King Arthur’s search for the Holy Grail will bring him to this understanding sooner or later. As for me, I keep hoping the angels are running a modern day Job caper on me and will do a 180 sooner or later.
Meanwhile, other day Deer Ed, who just recently was accused on the Coconut Telegraph of being God, swapped season’s greetings with me.
I found it odd that you didn’t write anything about the joys of the holidays and your wish for everyone to be joyful. Happy holidays and may you have, even a little bit of Joy, ~ Ed
Well, I can’t say my holidays are joyful, and if I had written about just how unjoyful, I might have been called the Grinch. Also perhaps in play, maybe somebody needs to remind folks what’s really going on as he sees it. Certainly, I hope your and everyone’s holidays go a lot better than mine. Or wuz you just kidding me?
I wished you Joy seriously. And I still do. What more could we want? ~e
Thanks. Certainly I would like to experience more joy, as would everyone I know. What caused me to make the crabby response was your getting onto me about not wishing joy to the world a la Jeremiah the bull frog. Been a bit overloaded for a good while, especially as the year end approached. Not going to bed at night looking forward to tomorrow, not waking up in the morning glad I woke up.
Slavery sucks, but see no way out but to shoot myself, which I imagine would invoke serious bad karma and probably a serious slamming of my being when I woke up on the other side. I did all possible in the last campaign to get myself bumped off and all that happened was people shot water pistols and pea shooters at me. Looks like I need to change my tact.
Looking back over the year with the Coconut Telegraph, the most memorable part was the advent and departure of the Anti-Sloan. I can’t remember if I put it into a post, but George Neugent told me that he had told David Rice that it looked to him (George) that the Anti-Sloan had Jim Hendrick’s finger prints all over it. I had already arrived at much the same thought, as the Anti-Sloan’s writing style and way of thinking did resemble Jim Hendrick’s.
The other day, a poster went after me over my saying the Cathars were named after Jesus and Magdalene’s child, Catharine. That writer’s style and way of thinking, and the use of church history also reminded me of Jim Hendrick, who was trained by Jesuits and is well-steeped in church history – Catholic. That critic compared me to dung, even while labeling the child and its parent fictitious. Magdalene was about as fictitious as that critic, you and me. The child, too.
Didn’t you adopt a policy of publishing the name and email address of people who slam other CT contributors? I thought you did and that it was a good policy. Would bring much joy to the critics, such as Judith Haney, who threatened to sue you for publishing her name and email address, after she attacked me on the CT. A Birmingham woman, Judith. She didn’t like the way I dealt with my brother’s passing, and she didn’t like the way I dealt with her. I also thought she might be the Anti-Sloan, but her writing and thinking style was quite different from what I had experienced with the Anti-Sloan.
All in all, I enjoy writing, although what I endure as I move toward the next post or posts is usually quite difficult. In a way, I suppose it’s like having a baby. Excruciating pain, then joy. The problem is, it’s happening every 24-hours, and most of it is labor and there aren’t much in the way of interesting and fun roadside attractions, like Biker Chick, who came to me at your suggestion for help with a legal matter she had. A real bright moment in 2010 for this fellow, for a day. Her two posts about me on the CT, all her doing, also were bright moments.
Learning on November 2 that there were 6,900-plus insane people in the Keys also was comforting. As was people I didn’t know, or hardly knew, coming up to me here and there to say they had voted for me and were sorry I did not get elected.
Some of your wry Deer Ed comments to your CT contributors were priceless.
One the funniest moments, funny for me, occurred just the other day during a telephone conversation with Bill Loewy following up on something he had asked me to look into. Bill often tips me off on stuff to look into because he knows I will do it. He tipped me off to the Brown family’s dilemma with their crippled son not being able to live in their upstairs, so they had him living in their downstairs enclosure.
Anyway, about ten days ago, Bill called me all upset over a Canadian across the canal from him having built a big new home in 2007-2008, and he still was only paying taxes on the value of the lot. Also, he owned part of the undeveloped lot next door and was building a dock in the mangroves, which wasn’t legal. Bill said he had run it by George Neugent, and I wondered why Bill was bothering me with it.
Even so, I called the Tax Assessor’s office and spoke with a fellow named Kenny, in whose beat Cudjoe Gardens was. He said they somehow had missed that new home and he would take care of it. He did not say it had already been taken care of, although Bill had told me he had already talked to the Tax Assessor’s office about it. Maybe George had talked with them, maybe not.
Kenny said, yes, they receive notices of completed houses and issuance of certificates of occupancy from the county building department, and that’s how they know to reassess vacant lots to improved property. This one somehow had slipped though the cracks. No, there was no payola involved, which Bill had suggested might be the case. Kenny got a bit weird when I asked about the payola possiblity.
When later I explained all of this to Bill, he was still hopping mad about the dock in the mangroves issue. I said he ought to take that up with George Neugent, since he had backed and voted for George. Bill said George wasn’t interested in the dock. I said again, George was his commissioner, he had backed and voted for him. Bill said I had not asked people to vote for me. I said I had told people what I would do if I was elected and they didn’t want that kind of commissioner. I said I would have jumped on the tax and dock thing right away and he (Bill) knew it. I said he had voted for the wrong candidate. I was having fun, Bill was not.
Well, I didn’t jump on the dock in the mangroves. I told Bill he should jump on it. Raise hell about it. File a complaint with the Department of Environmental Protection and then have happen to him what Sandy Downs had happen to her when she reported Phillip Goodman for slaughtering mangroves near his home on an island owned by the State of Florida. Phil Goodman somehow had wrangled a phosphate mining permit for cutting mangroves, even though he was not and never had been in the phosphate mining business. Phil Goodman, who, along with his wife and daughter, run the Republican Party in the Keys. Phil Goodman and his wife and daughter, who are George Neugent’s good friends. George never admitted the Goodmans did anything wrong.
When Bill didn’t seem to like that suggestion, I said he should contact Tim O’ Hara at the Citizen, see if he wanted to write about the tax dodge and dock mangrove mangling across the canal from his home? Bill said Tim was up to his wazoo in being busted for marijuana for sale. I said Tim was still writing articles daily, just that day was a big one on the front page of the Citizen. Bill said he might contact Tim.
Bill is not the only person who voted for George and then came to me for help with something after Nov. 2. I shoved their votes down their throats and up their asses, and that gave me some measure of perverted joy. More of having Biker Chick ride me and me ride her and her bike hanging onto her tits would have been more of the kind of joy I would have preferred to have.
Running for office was joyful only once, and that was when I ran for mayor of Key West and promoted the city getting a nude beach. That was fun. The rest of the races were hell, although there were joyful moments when I stuck it to somebody who had earned it. No short supply of those types, but not like getting laid, or talking with somebody about something other than the weather, who actually understands what I’m talking about, which hasn’t happened in over five years.
Oh, the name and address of the Canadian across the canal from Bill Loewy is R. E. Miller, 4th Ave. W., Cudjoe Gardens, Cudjoe Key. Same Key Sandy and the Goodmans’ call home.
When I later emailed Ed not to publish on the Coconut Telegraph my email to him just yet, he wrote back disappointed because he had really liked it and thought it would be a great year-ender for the Coconut Telegraph. I wrote back thanking him and that I had really liked it, too, and maybe it would work for a later day. I felt maybe there might be more to include.
What I didn’t include in my year-ender to Deer Ed, because he knew it already, was after Sandy Downs turned Phil Goodman in to DEP, he came by her home down the street from where he lived and told her that she and her family would be driven out of the Keys. Shortly after that, the Monroe County Sheriff Department launched a terror campaign aganst Sandy and her family, through her children. That planted the seed for Sandy to run for sheriff in 2008, and she got Deer Ed, at my suggestion, to set up a campagin website for her, which contained a file that eviserated the sheriff department. The day Sandy’s website went online, it was hacked and that file was destroyed. Same day, the Coconut Telegraph was hacked and destroyed. Deer Ed had to rebuild both pages. The FBI was brought in and its computer sleuths were unable to track down the hackers, who got clean away. Deer Ed, Sandy and I had no doubt someone in or friendly with the sheriff department was behind it. Believe it or not, some Coconut Telegraph comments, and comments on other local blogs, praised the hackers and attacked Sandy viciously. She never backed down, nor did I. We gave them what nobody ever before had dared to do to the sheriff department and some of its Key employees. Sandy and I dared them to come after us, and the coverage Deer Ed provided on the Coconut Telegraph was crucial to our efforts. All of which Bill Loewy was well aware when I told him to report his neigbor to DEP and risk what happened to Sandy.
I have lost count of the times Keys people bring me something to take on, instead of them taking it on. They love to play, “Let’s you and them fight.” I don’t mind fighting, if they don’t mind getting their name in print. But if they want to keep their name out of it, then they never should bring it to me. I have lost count of the times people have brought something to me because they already took it to George Neugent and he told them he would look into it and nothing happened. If you voted for George, don’t bring anything to me, unless you want to be publicly trashed. Even if you voted for me, take it to George. He’s your county commissioner. Fixing your problem is his problem, not mine. If in your mind’s eye you see the finger pointing, then you are making progress and perhaps won’t have to come back to hell too many more times. Shooting the bird often brings me joy.
Since I began spewing all manner of howlings onto the Internet in the spring of 2006, coinciding with my first run for the county commission against George Neugent, Deer Ed stood by me and egged me on unceasing, and got onto me when I talked about quitting. Before I had websites, Deer Ed created a special “Sloan’s Archives” page on bigpinekey.com. Then, he encouraged me to get my own website, which I had no clue how to do myself. So he did it for me, professionally and at a resonable price. Then, he told me I should send him teasers off of my posts, which he would include on the Coconut Telegraph and link over to my websites, so his readers could keep up with my spewings, if they wished to do so. Behind the who got arrested lately page on the sheriff’s website, the Coconut Telegraph is the most visited web page in the Keys. It has a national and international following and is the prime engine for bringing readers to my websites, goodmorningfloridakeys.com and goodmorningkeywest.com.
Thank you, Deer Ed, and a better and prosperous 2011 to you. Same to you, Biker Chick. And to you nearly 7,000 insane Keys people who know who you are. All others have to pay.