The most godly man I knew in this life, the federal judge for whom I clerked fresh out of law school, after his life became intolerable for him, years after his beloved wife died years in his arms, after his health gave out, after the federal appeals courts took the humanity out of judging with its patterned sentencing guidelines, shot himself in the mouth with his own .38, alone, at home. I never once held it against him, and as far as I have been able to discern in my dreams and other spirit ways, neither did God hold it against him. To the contrary, he apparently was received in heaven as a saint. Even though I don’t see my brother going to heaven as a saint, I don’t hold against him that he killed himself. I knew him. I knew his struggle. I myself had often wanted to kill myself. I never considered the effect on my loved ones. Nor would anyone else having my experience when I was in that horrible black night of the soul. I doubt anyone I know would not have committed suicide, living in my skin. I didn’t do it because I feared the spiritual consequences, and, to be real honest, I didn’t have the guts to do it. Perhaps an angel stayed my hand, unknown to me. I am rembering the old Native American saying, “Don’t judge someone in whose moccasins you have not walked many miles.”

Though I knew Major not at all and you only casually, I feel sadness for the demise of your brother. Surely he was loved by someone, and surely he will be missed by some who knew him. Whether he was a victim, or if he died by his own choice, he leaves an empty place in Birmingham and some will be reminded of that.

I read this poem yesterday. Since you are a poet, maybe it will resonate with you.

“SUICIDE
Today a friend mentioned a suicide and I was saddened.
But not by the act.
No. No. Life is over for them.
By the consequences for all, I am saddened.
Suicide is selfish.
The pain ends for you,
But your friends bear the questions,
“Could I have helped?”,
“Did I cause your pain?”,
And, most of all, “Why?”,
But you will and can never answer.

It is a cruel trick to take your life from those who love you.
The ultimate irony, the solution to make your life better by ending it.
You pay the ultimate price, but sacrifice our hearts.

Suicide is selfish.”

We are, I suppose, all of us, at one time or another, selfish. Can’t help it, you know?

Thankfully, no.

Wow….

Keep up the informative posts!…

Good job narrowing down all the information….